Ogre-oid Outbreak!!!

The CDC has just issued an official alert: antibiotic-resistant Ogre-oids are spreading faster than bedbugs . . .

Poverty is at its highest level since the early 1960s, unemployment remains at 10%, the debt remains in the trillions, the Afghan war recklessly charges onward like a crashing NATO helicopter . . . it can only mean one thing: the recession is over! Yes, the lastest example of America's cryptic institutional schizophrenia should be a relief to the millions of Americans who have been out of work for over a year. Nothing like access to information, is there? Economists have said repeatedly that this recession is worse than others in recent decades because of how bad it has been and how slow the "recovery" out of it remains, yet somehow the endless American fountain of good news and progress keeps on a-flowin'. I guess if you have the kind of bullshit job that the people who are paid to tell the rest of us the recession is over have, it may as well have never happened in the first place. What I want to know is, now that the recession is over, how soon before I get reimbured the $2,600 plus interest bailout money I loaned the government to plug Goldman Sach's asshole (yeah, Lloyd Blankfein, I'm referring to you!). With the interest added in, that'll be much-needed money Americans can skirt by on while they continue to look for a dead-end, degrading shitjob. And what do you know, this announcement comes just five weeks before mid-term elections! The vicious sprials continue to suck the life and reason out of us. Truth is "the recession is over" is Obama's version of "Mission accomplished." Give me a fucking break.

Looks like the Catholic church has another past time besides ass-raping choir boys: money laundering! Hey, if you've got to get those cum-stained tighty whiteys and priest robes in the washer, may as well throw in a few thousand euros and Swiss franks along with the bleach. The NY Times (2010, September 22) reports that the Vatican is under investigation even after hiring a once well-respected banker to make its dealings more transparent. Lest you worry that money-laundering has diverted the church's energies from lubeing up children, Baptist megachurch minsiter Eddie Long allegedly has been taking up the pedophiliac slack, as he has been accused of coercing young men into sex. Just goes to show that even though the Vatican has sovereign state status, it doesn't have a monopoly on pedophilia.

But don't think the Christian church is all bad. This week the G.O.P.--the Christian appendage of American government--successfully blocked repeal of the unconstitutional "don't ask, don't tell" policy for gay servicemen. While this discrimination may be a blessing in disguise saving gays from pointless death in the forlorn Afghan war, it reinforces the reality that America, now in the second decade of the 21st century, remains a backward nation dominated politically by primitive Christian dogma, as clearly exemplified by the ascent of . . .

. . . Delware senatorial candidate Christine O'Donnell, who recently praised turkeys who are no longer able to have sex because bio-technologists have been breading them for big chests. Since the turkeys have been neither baptized nor wed, O'Donnell regards them as models of abstinence for all Americans . . . even those who don't have big tits.

In addition to saving us from gay soldiers and lustful turkeys, the Christian church has also denounced yoga, saying that its roots in Eastern mysticism run against Christian doctrine, where one is only supposed to mediate on the word of God, e.g. more cryptic institutional schizophrenia. In case your worst nightmare is a horny gay turkey who can put its leg behind its head, these are great times to be an American, whether you're employed or not.

With such holy viligence in our presence, clearly there is no need to worry about the 69% increase in coalition deaths in Afghanistan in the three-month period ending September 14 from the same three-month period in 2009. Five of the nine soldiers killed in this week's helicopter crash are from nearby Fort Campbell--that's right, the same Fort Campbell that was the focus of an in-depth C-J report just weeks ago about the toll that the loss of life there is taking on the community. Nothing like the power of knowledge and information in a democracy to uphold the well-being of the people in the face of government ctyranny. Please explain: If Team Obama can declare the recession is over, why not declare "mission accomplished" in Afghanistan and get the fuck out of there?

Then there could be more "Welcome Home Hero" parties to celebrate the beginning of fall, where in Kentucky it's 98 degrees with a heat advisory. Gee, these temperatures couldn't have anything to do with the bleached coral reefs in the ocean which are suffocating in record heat? Perhaps these coral reefs are making a fashion statement, or maybe they've called off their symbiotic relationship with the algae that provided the microbos in them with nutrients and oxygen in honor of Christine O'Donell, but I'm guessing that marinebiologists are probably concerned when once colorful and vibrant coral reefs start to look like Andy Warhol.

Finally, no Ogre-oid Outbreak Update could be complete without mention of Austin "Salmonella" DeCoster, the egglord responsible for the spread of salmonella-tainted eggs across the country since 1987. But American government has done nothing over the past two decades to stop or punish DeCoster since salmonella-tainted eggs have nothing to do with putting people into privatized prisons over drugs. Tell me: when was the last time you read about a strain of cannabis that killed dozens of people and led to emergency rooms being flooded with people vomiting and shitting themselves? So why are millions of Americans in jail because of cannabis prohibition while DeCoster has raked in millions selling his while oval vermin? Because DeCoster is big-money-make-money, which means mainstream America wants to swallow his cum (which reportedly does not contain salmonella).

Anti-Ogre-oid: Touchdown Jesus Burns to a Metal Frame

If there was a god I think this is the kind of statement he would make about the evangelical haters that built this shoddy, dangerous piece of crap.  Of course the haters take it to mean their god is angry about Obama being elected President.  No, you worthless fundies, the universe HATES YOU because you hate the universe.

Ogre-oid: Fred Phelps

The Supreme Court has decided to review the case against "Pastor" Fred Phelps, the lunatic preacher responsible for the ugly, hateful, and completely un-Christlike protests at military funerals.  The $5 million verdict was overturned by an appeals court.

I must admit to being torn on this one.  As you can see from the picture above, these people are full of hate and anger and their signs and chants are offensive on every level except that of the lunatic right wing Xtian fringe.  Even so, these worthless pieces of shit are entitled to free speech of some kind.  But should that free speech include disrupting a private service?  Should someone be allowed to cause severe emotional damage to grieving relatives?  Difficult questions, obviously, or this wouldn't have made it to the Supreme Court.

One thing I am not torn about is that Fred Phelps is a horrible man who deserves a long and painful death.  He and the people that support him are a waste of carbon.  When they die no one will protest because the people they have actually harmed (as opposed to the invented harm of homosexuality against them) are better people than they.  And as is always true with these people, Fred Phelps is obviously a closeted fag (see picture below).  Self hate is the ugliest type of hate, especially when it is aimed at the rest of the world.

"You can't preach the Bible without preaching hatred."

"God doesn't hate them because they're fags; they're fags because God hates them."

America Is Lucy

MODUS OPERANDI BLOGPOST2

Dr. Overbey, 27 January 2010

Since I’m not feeling well today and I am even more pissed off than I usually am all the time, I’m going to keep going.

America is Lucy.

What the hell am I talking about? You know damn well what I’m talking about. I’m talking about Lucy, the Peanuts character. There’s this on-going episode where Lucy is holding a football for Charlie Brown (I should write a short story about Charlie Brown trying to get a medical marijuana script in Los Angeles). And what does Lucy do right when Charlie Brown is about to kick the ball, his momentum irreversibly as his kicking foot flies upward? That’s right! She lifts the ball up so Charlie Brown is denied the satisfaction of completing his goal, and, to add injury to insult, loses his balance and falls on his ass.

Now, why does Lucy do this? Because she’s afraid?

No, because she gets off on it. She loves it!

It is simple sadistic joy that motivates Lucy to do this over and over (CB’s gullibility doesn’t make Lucy’s pathology any less pathetic). She loves it and cannot help herself. It is this same disposition that reflects the majority of Americans. I do not believe for a second that Americans behave as they do because of fear. Americans’ problem is not fear, but its Aristotelian opposite: foolhardiness. Americans are not afraid of what they should fear. You ought to be afraid of a totalitarian, corporate government that refuses to give its citizens health care and instead corrals the largest prison population in the history of civilization; but most Americans love it. You ought to be afraid of spending half your waking life in a four-ton piece of medal travelling upwards of 75 mph at close distance to 18 wheelers going even faster; but for most Americans, their love affair with the automobile is an American birthright more sacred than the First Amendment or even life itself (which is why so many Americans die in cars!).

And war. This idea that America has to always be at war because we’re so afraid is a joke. The only reason not to be in a war is that you are afraid. You fear the inevitable widespread death (often of young adults and children, which is especially a waste), relentless misery (but at least diverse, ranging from emotional anguish to malnutrition or even starvation), torture, mutilation, and destruction that comes with war, that is war. If these conditions do not inspire fear, there never has been or will be any justification for not being at war all the time (not that Americans need a justification for anything they do or don’t do; they are, after all, Americans). September 11 didn’t horrify people and turn them off of war and violence; it energized the entire nation and gave the whole country a machine-gun sized hard-on. “Navy seals rock!” exclaimed CBS journalist Katie Couric to the nation in the immediate aftermath, her vagina juice gushing with ovulating glee. Never in my life have I seen this country more motivated and galvanized than in the early Bush-Christ years following the attacks on the WTC and Pentagon. Never will I or any living human see the day when efforts at improving health care or education remotely approach that level of focus and togetherness.

But the majority of Americans never seem to tire of war or the relentless fear that it ought to induce in a sane human being who was not raised by baboons. Instead, war is the power of pride, the fight for freedom, and other abstract nonsense. The last thing it is is the obliteration of the human body and soul. The last thing it is is what it really is, in other words.

Fools rush into situations that are obviously dangerous, pose great risk, and offer no meaningful reward should the fool be lucky and avoid the probable death or injury looming over them. Fools entrust greedy pigs who are complete strangers with their life savings—then continue to believe in the same people and the same system even after they have wrecked the economy and put the fool out of work. After all, there is always someone out there who has it even worse, and when times are tough, Americans can rub one out watching on TV while the next Charlie Brown gets fucked over. “Better you than me!”

Just as Americans don’t live in fear, they are also not stupid, at least in an epistemological sense. Most Americans have jobs (or they did until the collapse of 2008), know how to get what they want, make money, get their W2s filed, and conform in typical compliant American fashion. They know how to manipulate the media and sabotage anything or anyone they don’t like. What motivates Americans is not fear and their flaw is not ignorance but the puerile obsession of having to be better than the other person. And since intuitively most Americans know they are not going to make it rich, they are not going to live the American Dream (which is repugnant as much as it is illusory), but the one thing that can get them through the day is to see the other person punished, humiliated, and shut down. Night after night I see the reflection of blue lights on the walls of my apartment; yes—praise the Fox—another person is off to jail! Hallelujah!

It is also foolhardiness—not fear—that sustains Americans’ appetites for the utterly banal and quotidian—gossip about celebrities, sports games, what people wore to church last week, the latest bullshit digital gadgets that they can finger themselves with. Don’t we have it so great that in America we can just push the enter button after typing in the first three letters of the current month instead of having to spend all that time just typing out the date itself! Wow! Just when you thought life couldn’t get any better! So no one gathers in public space—only fools are not afraid of overlords who want to stamp out public space and make the infrastructure sterile and completely out of proportion to the human body—and makes the time to have an intelligent conversation with one’s neighbors and fellow citizens about the fact that war is a complete waste and an obvious sign of a nation in crisis that has deliberately destroyed its own imagination, that war is bankrupting the country, that our schools are a joke, that our whole way of life sucks. Instead the topic turns to how teachers don’t do real work, anyone can get rich if they work hard enough, liberals sympathize with terrorists, scientists hate America, the planet is bogging down our already-collapsed economy, and Tiger Woods is a fuckaholic . . . which is OK as long as he hits that golf ball good. Bottom line: the majority of Americans are assholes, and they can suck my cunt.

There. I still don’t feel better.

Until next time . . . remember, “nothing good is ever going to happen again.”

Here we go again . . . Idiots Continue War on Drugs

MODUS OPERANDI BLOGPOST
Dr. Overbey, 27 January 2010

Here we go again . . .

Today’s NY Times reports that the L.A. City Council voted 9 to 3 to eliminate 80% of the city’s medical marijuana dispensaries and make it illegal to use marijuana in the remaining ones. This is a state that is bankrupt (the government has been paying employees in IOUs and will soon be on the receiving end of the next round of bailouts) and ought to go ahead and just flat-out legalize it (you know, generate revenue, a radical free market concept)—which, of course, will never happen. According to the council members who voted in favor of the measure, the dispensaries are “out of control.” Did you get that? A bunch of people sitting in a building smoking weed to alleviate chronic pain and discomfort are out of control!!! Not the bankers, not the military-industrial complex, not the never-ending and insanely expensive forlorn carnage in Iraq and Afghanistan, not the privatized, overcrowded prisons, not the endless sprawl of highways and cars doing 90mph leading to daily fatalities—no, let’s shut down people doin’ dope!!! That’s what we need! Now we can finally have our country back!

Apparently, people bitch and complain that the dispensaries are too close to schools and parks and residential areas. These same devil-worshipping shitasses have no problem strolling their precious suckshit offspring up and down the aisles of groceries where in the back there is a pharmacy holding tons of drugs way more potent and dangerous than marijuana. If you’re not paranoid about junior gobbling up a handful of xanax while his chubby, obese digits masturbate Playstation all day, why bitch about the weed? Because these people are miserable conservative assholes whose sole purpose on earth is to spread their misery. Boy, it’s great to live in a free country, isn’t it?

Despite that fact the marijuana has been quasi-legal in California for nearly fourteen years and none of the end-of-the-world anti-dope myths have become reality, cold-hearted and brain-dead America insists on holding on to their same vapid and cruel perspectives. If the gateway-drug theory and attendant lies about marijuana had any merit, the whole state of California would be in the midst of a collective heroin overdose by now and their lips would be falling off from too much meth. No one would work, everyone would be sitting around all day eating potato chips and waiting around for a government check. There wouldn’t be newspapers anymore because all the reporters would forget what they were writing down in the middle of their sentences, and everybody would be gay and butt fucking puddles. California’s problems are just like the rest of America’s: people are lethargic because they have poor education streamlined toward lucrative professions and attend increasingly expensive universities where the liberal arts are marginalized more than the needs of poor people in need of health care.

Speaking of, let’s remember this is medical marijuana, and efforts to shut it down are yet another example of how Americans hate the idea of other people feeling good instead of like shit. No one has the right to tell another person what it’s like to live in their body, and if people testify before Congress that using marijuana makes them feel much better than if they don’t, that is as legitimate as health care can get. Not feeling well and being prohibited from feeling better is a horrible life, a perpetual punishment, and testament to how sadistic and hateful the majority of Americans are that they get pissed off at people because they want therapeutic release from depression, anxiety, spasticity, nausea, headaches, insomnia, glaucoma, and other ailments that literally ruin people’s lives. So let’s hear it for the City Council of Los Angeles, determined to make life unenjoyable and escape from unhappiness impossible. After all, if people actually felt good and were happy, then the corporations couldn’t sell happiness. The first step to selling people happiness is to systematically make them unhappy and use force and intimidation to stop them from doing the things on their own without making the corporations richer that make them feel good and happy. Figure it out, fuckheads: there is nothing wrong with smoking weed, it’s a stupid and baseless law to make it a crime, marijuana has indisputable medicinal value, and as a recreational drug it is much better and safer for both the user and society than alcohol. To cling to a prohibitionist stance is worse than thinking a woman’s place is in the kitchen, Blacks are two-thirds human, but not quite as bad as thinking the earth is the center of the universe (not that any organization, like the Vatican, for example, clung to that view . . . just as an example, of course).

In typical I-want-to-be-spoonfed-what-to-think-and-how-to-live-and-constantly-be-smothered-by-authority-so-I-can-defend-my-freedom American fashion, the never-ending line from brain-washed Americans who grew up going to schools meeting drug dogs and cops instead of learning geography and knowing why the year 1776 is somewhat significant is, “I don’t mind you doing something to make yourself feel better, but I object to you using drugs to do so. Why do you have to use a substance?” In other words, these people don’t mind if you do something to make yourself feel better as long as you don’t do something to make yourself feel better. That’s why people use medical marijuana, assholes: it works. Then there’s the frenetic, psychotic, fundamentalist Christians, everywhere teeming like bad bacteria: “If you’re not feeling well, it’s your fault! You need to let Christ in your heart!” Like Christ would give a shit about people smoking weed. Like these angry, foolhardy, zealots care about or emulate Christ in any recognizable way. If you’re angry because people want to do something completely harmless and unobtrusive to your off-the-charts dull and boring conformist lives just so they can feel better and enjoy their limited human existence on the earth, then all I can say is you’re the one who’s sick and needs to smoke a joint. But you won’t do that of course, less you experience what it’s like to actually feel pleasure, and at the same time confront the possibility that sometimes you’re wrong.

Until next time . . . remember, “nothing good is ever going to happen again.”

[posted by Alan because apparently Dave is too retarded to figure out how to post to a format designed for retards. Hopefully he will add some hotlinks in the next few days. -Ed.]