Ogre-oid Outbreak!!!

The CDC has just issued an official alert: antibiotic-resistant Ogre-oids are spreading faster than bedbugs . . .

Poverty is at its highest level since the early 1960s, unemployment remains at 10%, the debt remains in the trillions, the Afghan war recklessly charges onward like a crashing NATO helicopter . . . it can only mean one thing: the recession is over! Yes, the lastest example of America's cryptic institutional schizophrenia should be a relief to the millions of Americans who have been out of work for over a year. Nothing like access to information, is there? Economists have said repeatedly that this recession is worse than others in recent decades because of how bad it has been and how slow the "recovery" out of it remains, yet somehow the endless American fountain of good news and progress keeps on a-flowin'. I guess if you have the kind of bullshit job that the people who are paid to tell the rest of us the recession is over have, it may as well have never happened in the first place. What I want to know is, now that the recession is over, how soon before I get reimbured the $2,600 plus interest bailout money I loaned the government to plug Goldman Sach's asshole (yeah, Lloyd Blankfein, I'm referring to you!). With the interest added in, that'll be much-needed money Americans can skirt by on while they continue to look for a dead-end, degrading shitjob. And what do you know, this announcement comes just five weeks before mid-term elections! The vicious sprials continue to suck the life and reason out of us. Truth is "the recession is over" is Obama's version of "Mission accomplished." Give me a fucking break.

Looks like the Catholic church has another past time besides ass-raping choir boys: money laundering! Hey, if you've got to get those cum-stained tighty whiteys and priest robes in the washer, may as well throw in a few thousand euros and Swiss franks along with the bleach. The NY Times (2010, September 22) reports that the Vatican is under investigation even after hiring a once well-respected banker to make its dealings more transparent. Lest you worry that money-laundering has diverted the church's energies from lubeing up children, Baptist megachurch minsiter Eddie Long allegedly has been taking up the pedophiliac slack, as he has been accused of coercing young men into sex. Just goes to show that even though the Vatican has sovereign state status, it doesn't have a monopoly on pedophilia.

But don't think the Christian church is all bad. This week the G.O.P.--the Christian appendage of American government--successfully blocked repeal of the unconstitutional "don't ask, don't tell" policy for gay servicemen. While this discrimination may be a blessing in disguise saving gays from pointless death in the forlorn Afghan war, it reinforces the reality that America, now in the second decade of the 21st century, remains a backward nation dominated politically by primitive Christian dogma, as clearly exemplified by the ascent of . . .

. . . Delware senatorial candidate Christine O'Donnell, who recently praised turkeys who are no longer able to have sex because bio-technologists have been breading them for big chests. Since the turkeys have been neither baptized nor wed, O'Donnell regards them as models of abstinence for all Americans . . . even those who don't have big tits.

In addition to saving us from gay soldiers and lustful turkeys, the Christian church has also denounced yoga, saying that its roots in Eastern mysticism run against Christian doctrine, where one is only supposed to mediate on the word of God, e.g. more cryptic institutional schizophrenia. In case your worst nightmare is a horny gay turkey who can put its leg behind its head, these are great times to be an American, whether you're employed or not.

With such holy viligence in our presence, clearly there is no need to worry about the 69% increase in coalition deaths in Afghanistan in the three-month period ending September 14 from the same three-month period in 2009. Five of the nine soldiers killed in this week's helicopter crash are from nearby Fort Campbell--that's right, the same Fort Campbell that was the focus of an in-depth C-J report just weeks ago about the toll that the loss of life there is taking on the community. Nothing like the power of knowledge and information in a democracy to uphold the well-being of the people in the face of government ctyranny. Please explain: If Team Obama can declare the recession is over, why not declare "mission accomplished" in Afghanistan and get the fuck out of there?

Then there could be more "Welcome Home Hero" parties to celebrate the beginning of fall, where in Kentucky it's 98 degrees with a heat advisory. Gee, these temperatures couldn't have anything to do with the bleached coral reefs in the ocean which are suffocating in record heat? Perhaps these coral reefs are making a fashion statement, or maybe they've called off their symbiotic relationship with the algae that provided the microbos in them with nutrients and oxygen in honor of Christine O'Donell, but I'm guessing that marinebiologists are probably concerned when once colorful and vibrant coral reefs start to look like Andy Warhol.

Finally, no Ogre-oid Outbreak Update could be complete without mention of Austin "Salmonella" DeCoster, the egglord responsible for the spread of salmonella-tainted eggs across the country since 1987. But American government has done nothing over the past two decades to stop or punish DeCoster since salmonella-tainted eggs have nothing to do with putting people into privatized prisons over drugs. Tell me: when was the last time you read about a strain of cannabis that killed dozens of people and led to emergency rooms being flooded with people vomiting and shitting themselves? So why are millions of Americans in jail because of cannabis prohibition while DeCoster has raked in millions selling his while oval vermin? Because DeCoster is big-money-make-money, which means mainstream America wants to swallow his cum (which reportedly does not contain salmonella).

Ogre-oids 29 Aug. 2010

Dismas charities: Today's C-J reports the "non-profit" charity organization funded by tax payer dollars purchsed one of the $92,000 suits at the new Yum! downtown arena in Louisville. The CEO makes, according to the C-J, more than most CEO of other charity organizations and last year had an income higher that Papa John sugardaddy J. Schatner, who himself has not been an Ogre-oid in MoPod's brief journalistic history only by default.

NYC skyscraper: the latest outrage in NYC is plans to build a new skyscraper that will rival the Empire State Building. The rationale is to boost the economy by building another giant skyscraper in the vicinity of the Empire State building (Bloomberg-ville thinking that emphasis on the economy and high-rise developments is just what NYC needs). What imagination. NYC needs another skyscraper like the Catholic church needs another pedophile.

CIA funded Afghan operatives: Both the NY Times and Washington Post report that a man at the center of an investigation into corruption in the Karzai administation is on the CIA payroll. Fidel Castro reported that Osama bin Laden is on the CIA payroll to scare the shit out of Americans as soon as the military industrial complex needs more taxpayer dollars to produce more corpses and mutilated bodies. Not that I'm a big fan of Castro, but until bin Laden is found and killed a la Hussien, this theory remains plausible.

Surging deaths in Afghanistan: Three more dead U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan and the Taliban is spreading its reach and influence throughout the country. If I didn't know better, I'd say this looks a lot like Iraq.

Media sugar-coating: "U.S. deaths for the month of August totalled 38, down sharply from 66 last month." See: everything is getting better. Just like since it will be cooler in December than in June: so no global warming. How's that for objectivity?

Spreading violence in Iraq: I know: it's hard to believe. Yet as the U.S. follows through in its plans to withdraw forces from Iraq which it's told the whole world about for the last four years, violence again is on the rise. Time for another surge!

Firing employees for medical marijuana use: Employees using medical marijuana have been fired for testing positive for THC. We can't regulate the financial banks, but sleep well, because if you use medical marijuana you'll be fired! That'll help put Americans back to work!

"Restoring honor": Glenn Beck's call to restore "American values" by recognizing God is our King is like saying we should all eat with chopsticks and use the metric system. America was founded on freedom of speech and religion and a democratic system that has a President, not a monarchy--but if you need to be reminded of that you are already a brain-dead tool.

President Obama's "military learning curve": Mainstream media again depict our commander-in-chief as someone who needs to learn about America's military culture. This point betrays that the military does not honor authority and respect. Obama is the commander-in-chief. If you respect authority, then you do what he says, rather than tell him what he should do. The military can't even fight wars functionally (see above). I don't give them much credibility for telling a Harvard law school graduate and editor of its law review how to do his job.


Catholic priests: when they're not butt-fucking deaf male youths, Catholic priests like Deacon Dominick Azzara defend war by saying that "I thank God we have young men and women willing to die for our country." Of all the times we hear about the Ten Commandments, the one context where it might actually be welcome might something like "Thou shall not kill" when discussing the loss of life in the Fort Campbell, Ky area. Alas, not to be.