Alan Miller & Dr. David Overbey

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Ogre-oids, 16 September 2010

Christine O'Donnell: The Tea Bag's victory in the Delaware Republican primary illustrates America's imminent descent into a right-wing dystopia, not to mention the obsolete and futile efforts of Obama to find "common ground" and "work with" the other party. As the Democrats continue to insist on compromise and moderate views in the name of denouncing extremism, right wing America becomes extreme to the point of surreal. O'Donnell's rants against masturbation and funding for AIDS are a perfect example of how bad things get when people don't jack off and use condoms: pieces of shit like her are born and rise to power.

Another example of how pointless compromise is in today's America: G.O.P. campaign spending far exceeds Democrats'. Unequal media access results in one party's views dominating public discourse. How's that for common ground! Of course, Obama's appeals to compromise and common ground are nothing more than disguises for his own conservative views. Two years in, Obama has shown himself to be just another Democratic convinced that his only chance at political success is to mimic Republicans:  the Afghan "surge," bashing teachers, coddling investment banks, letting big oil kill people, destroy local economies, and flood the Gulf with oil.

Speaking of, scientists have discovered through continued empirical research that the oil in the Gulf hasn't "dispersed" or been gobbled up by angelic microbes out of a Pixar film, but has sunk to the ocean's bottom. Reports show that as much as two inches of oil cover the bottom of the Gulf--and the dead plants and animals that once lived there (for free, which means it's good they're dead. The only good socialist is a dead one!)

Since there are more dead crustaceans, that means less of a burden on taxpayers, who have had to foot the bill for these freeloaders (hey, at least they didn't need swimming lessons). Fortunately, Mitch McConnell is doing everything he can to make sure there will be no compromise, a la Obama's closet conservatism, when it comes to ending Bush-era tax cuts for the rich. "Only in Washington could someone think it's a good idea to raise taxes during a recession." As always, Republican economics is perfect and unquestionable, the word of God. Now that I think about it, how can you argue with the party that started two decade-long wars that have cost billions of dollars, and supported financial and regulatory policies that led to the worst economic collapse in a century. But Americans love it: Republicans are rich, and in the land of freedom and equality, one does not dare to question big-money, make-money. That would be extreme!

Following Republican's sound and rational example, Steve May of Arizona decided to drop out of the race for State Senate after the criticism he received for recruiting several homeless drifters to run as Green party candidates. Truthfully, homeless dudes would probably have more guts and resourcefulness than today's Democrats.

Fortunately, the future looks bright, as today's college students will be tomorrow's leaders, that is, those who are not among the 238,000 students who defaulted on their student loans last year alone. This must be another sign of how corrupting liberal arts education into ideological conditioning for the business and finance world makes people savvier about money than whacked-out liberal academics who understand basic math.

But who cares? As long as the American university sports culture keeps roaring along, we can all bask in the glory of victory! And who would know better how to be a winner than the sports teams of American universities! Take the University of Kentucky, for example, who last week beat Western Kentucky 63-28, sending the Hilltopers to their 22nd consecutive loss since their "competitive" move to be a Division I football power! Beating up on scarecrow opponents like WKU has become part of the Big Blue winning tradition, whose non-conference opponents over the last decade have a blazing cumulative record of 78-124! How's that for being a winner! The unbridled triumph will continue this weekend when powerhouse Akron comes to Lexington, another winless UK opponent who last week lost to Gardner-Webb -- yes, the same school that beat UK basketball 84-68 in Rupp Arean in Billy Gillespie's first season, not to be confused with the Virginia Military Institute team that beat them 111-103 to kick off his second, and final, NIT year.

Of course, there is a new day in Big Blue world, thanks to Coach John Calipari and recruits like Eric Bledsoe, who, the NY Times reports, received an "A" in Algebra III despite never taking Algebra II. What's the big deal? I mean, in basketball you can hit a three-pointer without having to make a two-pointer first, right? The actual grade Bledsoe got in the course was a "C" which would have made him ineligible to play last year. Cheating, lying . . . all trademarks of being a winner.

But you can always find somewhere where it's worse: like up in Bloomington, IN, where IU inducted former coach Lee Corso into its Hall of Fame. Corso's career record: 41-68-2. Hey--if he weren't such a winner, he would have lost those two games he tied and wound up with 70 losses!

Winners have character too, like Saints Reggie Bush, who forfeited his 2005 Heisman over the scandals of improper payments and benefits to USC jocks (who, like all college jocks, don't default on their student loans, because they're winners! not losers!).

And just to show that the winning American spirit is catching on internationally, a couple of Ogre-oids from overseas: French president Nicolas Sarkozy is under investigation by the EU for targeting and discriminating against Roma during his summer campaign to purge them from France. Nothing says "liberté,
égalité, fraternité" like ethnic cleansing. Not to be outdone, the notorious hard-ass Swedes are mounting in support of right-wing anti-immigration parties, sick of coddling non-whites! 

Europeans are jumping on anti-immigrant right-wing parties like walruses are jumping on Alaskan islands' shores since the ice they used to live on has melted. But since there is no climate change, as the right-wingers tell us, there's nothing to worry about! 

Next thing you know, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio can jail these walruses for immigrating without proper documentation! In the plea bargain deal, the walruses can do jail time, or agree to run as candidates for the Green Party.

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